Seeing as next week is Bell Let’s Talk week, I thought I’d talk about language and how you can do just as much damage saying things like “fragile,” as you can by saying “nut” or “psycho.” And it could just be me, but when people pity me it makes me really angry. Not because of the label itself, but because the incessant battle in my head will take that label and spend the next month or so trying to figure out if I am that label? ...Because unlike most people I’m unable to roll my eyes and move on; that would take confidence.
Let’s look at the word confidence for a minute... The definition is: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something...
I’ve lived a life of lies; by omitting the truth about most of the bad things that happened in my life and I don’t trust myself let alone anyone, or anything else. I have found that people can be really (REALLY) nasty, and I have trouble believing in humanity. I try, but I just don’t have enough confidence. And when you criticize me, I shut down externally. Not because I want to, but because it seems to be a normal reaction for me. On the outside it would appear to anyone that I’ve completely shut down, but I haven’t. I’m struggling inside my head, almost like I’m a referee to the relentless, un-abating conflict going on in my mind.
“...Fragile, what the heck did she mean by that?! I’m not fragile, am I? I know people have said they feel sorry for me, but fragile?! I think I’m pretty darn strong... Then again I’m not quite right in the head, so maybe they’re right... I’m screwed, aren’t I. ...Totally friggin screwed.”
And then I start thinking the world would be so much better without my “drama,” and the downward spiral starts...
My advice for Let’s Talk week... If you have to label someone; be careful what you say. People with mental illnesses are already fighting a battle inside their heads, and it would be way more helpful to eradicate the stigma around mental health, instead of being another bully our minds have to contend with.
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following.