Over the last 8 months or so, I’ve been working on developing a platform in order to draw attention from a publisher. It’s been incredibly hard because I’ve been hiding for years, but now when you Google my name; I’m there. Even though it makes me start to panic when I think about it, I know it’s important because my goal is to end the stigma around mental health as well as childhood abuse; and I can’t do it if I’m in hiding.
A couple of weeks ago, I got my first request to share my story. We (I’m going to call him Bill) chatted on twitter and at first I said no because I was terrified, but then thought I’d never get the message out if I didn’t buck up.
I asked Bill if we could talk on the phone prior to the podcast interview so we could get to know each other and when we did, I told him some of my deepest, darkest secrets. It was important he knew what kind of a person I was, and that he took my illness seriously.
After about 30 to 45 minutes, I agreed to do the podcast and we hung up; but then I couldn't help feeling like I’d said too much...
The next day, as I was preparing myself for the podcast and working on a couple of blog entries, I received an email that said “Podcast and Interview cancelled.” I was shocked but I opened it. It said (or at least I thought it said) that Bill didn’t want to do the interview because it didn’t fit in with his agenda ...mental health, especially PTSD was not something he wanted linked to his project.
My first thoughts were that I had been duped; again. Bill was an identity thief, or worse he was a serial killer or a rapist and now he knew everything about me!!!
I was heading for triggersville, but this is where my chosen family comes in; they know me! Plus they knew I was stressed about the podcast and when I get stressed, my brain kind of misfires - for lack of a better word.
I read Bill’s email again, at their insistence, and realized (sheepishly) that I’d misinterpreted it...
However, it's all good. I'm going to use this as a reminder to be kind to my mind. In times of stress, I need to breathe and think about me instead of trying to read other people's minds ...or as one of my T's puts it: read other people's TV screens.
Thanks for following. Stay safe, and stay strong.