It’s been almost a month since I last wrote a blog, and I know I told you I wasn’t going to write anything until after my follow up appointment with the ophthalmologist, but I’ve got some stuff on my mind and I figure the only way to get rid of it is by writing about it...
As you all know I’ve been getting some pretty nasty comments on my website, and I want you to know that it doesn’t stop there; I’ve also been getting texts, emails, and private messages as well.
They all pretty much say the same things: I’m a liar, I’m an attention seeker, I’m a waste of space and I’m sure those of you that are following me don’t agree with what they are saying.
Only one of these emails wasn’t derogatory; it said:
Hi Dee and Gary,
Well you certainly got a wonderful sunny day for your anniversary. Hope this year will be an equally sunny one for you!
I found a whole file filled with letters you sent me over the years -- birthdays and such. Would you like to see any of them? --they’re certainly more sunny than some of the sad times you’ve encountered in recent years.
Much love to you both.
I immediately wrote back and said:
Absolutely, I've been asking you to see my letters and poems for years!
Would you please scan them and send them to me.
I’ve been waiting for this person to answer an eight hundred and ninety-nine word email (honestly) since September fifteenth of last year and they send me this?
Personally, I think there’s way too much protesting going on, and it’s coming from many unexpected sources that my oppressors have been scrambling to rally to their less than honest cause. People who haven’t cared to contact me in years have suddenly appeared to tell me how disappointed they are because of my chosen methods of communication and seeking mental health.
Why must those who would silence me need to scour their contact lists to find long lost echo chambers? Why are they so interested in silencing me in the first place?
If there was nothing to what I’m saying wouldn’t they just shrug, laugh, and then just get on with their lives knowing the truth was on their side?
Questions like these and more lead to such things as the title of this blog. Things that could put someone with mental health issues into a really bad place; things like, “I’m glad that your daughter removed the poison that is you from her life and her daughters? I hope your other daughter follows suit as well.”
...the worst thing is the last comment came from someone that suffers from mental illness, which leads me to believe there’s no time for me to take a leave. There truly is stigma; and a lot of it, around mental health, and even though I’m down and being kicked while I’m down; I am not OUT!
I have my follow up appointment in six days and my sight hasn’t improved much, but I’ve talked to Gary and we’ve agreed I just need to finish the book.
There is so much poison in my mind and we believe the only way I’m going to get past that poison, and finally live a healthy life, is to get all those nasty memories out of my head and on to paper. Then and only then, will I be able to move past the stress.
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following!