So ...it’s been an incredibly stressful week, but what else is new?!
I’ve been trying to get some information from biological family regarding some poetry/letters that I wrote after my parents split up, but I’m being told that I can’t have them until they have a written letter from me “guaranteeing that they (the letters/poems) will stay as totally private communications” from me to them. I was under the impression that the letters/poems belonged to me, because I wrote them??
The letters were written over the period of about five-ten years and in my mind, they were a desperate attempt at getting someone - anyone - to listen to what was going on at “home.” I was being abused all the time and although I’d tried to tell the adults in my life that I was being abused, they didn’t believe me. They claimed that I got too upset when I talked about the abuse and that meant I was lying.
What they didn’t and still don’t understand, is that when I tried to talk about the abuse and the shame I felt around it, it made me feel so bad about myself that all I could do was bawl my eyes out. You see, part of me knew the abuse towards me was wrong but because of the reactions I got from loved ones, there was also a part of me that believed it was my fault - that I must have done something really wrong to deserve the abuse.
I just don’t get it ...all I want to do is print the truth, yet it’s proving to be an incredibly difficult process. Why are people going out of their way to make this so complicated?! The stress is making me incredibly sick and even though my husband keeps saying to just back away from it all; that it’s not worth losing my sight or my health, I just can’t.
...If I step away, then it means I suffered the trauma for nothing and to me that would mean my life has been wasted, and that is something I cannot do!
I AM a fighter and I will not let a small band of people stop me from fighting this war against mental health. I may have some stress related health issues, but please know that I am NOT down, and I am NOT out! I am a FIGHTER and I will not stop until we win the battle to #endthestigma around mental health.
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following!