I know I’ve already discussed this, but it’s really getting to me...
It’s been almost three years since I started writing my (first) book and I have to tell you that it’s proving to be a lot harder to finish than I had anticipated.
When I first started writing, I figured it would take two years tops - from writing it to getting it on the shelves, but it’s not working out that way and I feel like I’m failing.
Sure, I’ve had some setbacks; my eyesight has been a real issue in the last three years and in the last eight months it has gotten so bad that I can barely see out of my right eye. The surgeon says that the only way to make the CSR (central serous retinopathy) better, is to eliminate the stress in my life and I’m really not sure how to do that.
Then, there’s the issue with finding an editor I can trust and believe me, this is really hard to do! I did a lot of research and found someone that was supposed to be really good at their ‘game,’ but after handing over my manuscript to her, and my lifesavings, I was less than satisfied.
Four months after I handed it over, I got it back with a note saying “By publisher ready, I thought you meant the content of your book would be ready... books are always then proofread before being published to catch any last little typos.”
It cost me almost $3000.00 and I still need to have it edited! That’s not what I was promised and needless to say, the manuscript is sitting on a shelf in my office. I have no idea where to go from here and I sure don’t have the cash to have it re-edited.
My husband, bless him, just keeps telling me the reason it’s not edited properly is because my story isn’t finished yet, and he may be right - why else would this happen?
Since August of last year when I handed in what I thought was my ‘completed manuscript,’ so much has changed. Members of my chosen family are now talking amongst themselves - something that certain members of our family of origin didn’t want - and the truth is pouring out like an erupting volcano!
Truths that have been hidden for decades; truths that need to be shared. I know it’s going to be really hard because I’m still afraid to tell the truth, but I’m sure that has to do with the grooming.
Like most survivors, I was groomed to hide a lot of things and when anyone ever asked about me, my family of origin would tell them that I had Munchausen’s (they still say this), so that no one would ever believe anything I had to say. You gotta know how hard that was growing up; being treated like a bad person, a dishonest one at that, by the people who are supposed to care about you the most.
Anyway, through therapy and a group of my chosen family coming out of the woodwork to finally share their stories, I’ve decided that grooming or not, the truth needs to come out. It’s the only way for me to truly heal and move forward ...and I know I used to have concerns about getting sued by my family of origin for telling my story, but I’m hoping justice will prevail and my child abusers will be punished for their crimes.
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following.