For those of you that are reading my blog for the first time, I was diagnosed with PTSD almost eleven years ago and for years I’ve tried to explain my illness to nay-sayers but they just don’t want to hear it.
They accuse me of faking my mental illness instead of trying to understand why I’m so different. Constantly asking where the “old” Davina has gone, instead of questioning what changed me so drastically and made me so fearful and withdrawn; two behaviours that were opposite to my “old” personality?!
They have accused me of lying, faking my symptoms and have even gone so far as to send me messages like this one:
“Why do you feel the need to do this? I have no problems with truths being posted, but as for lies??? Maybe it's time someone outed you for these? Or maybe it's time someone just made it stop!”
“...0uted me?” That’s exactly what I wanted - the truth had been hidden for far too long and it needed to come out! But I didn’t even see that line the first time I read it, all I saw was the next line “Or maybe it’s time someone just made it stop?!”
What?! Like how?! I catastrophize everything and I wasn’t sure if this was a threat of bodily harm, or what it was! Needless to say I headed down that slippery slope straight into a TRIGGER and I haven’t been out on the front step in four days, let alone gone anywhere in the car. The house alarm is on, the curtains are closed and I have absolutely no intention of going anywhere.
And sure it might seem like a bit much to someone without PTSD but it’s crucial for me to feel safe when I’m having a trigger; and if that means being holed up inside like a turtle hiding from a predator - so be it.
I called the police and they said I should charge this person with harassment but I’m hoping after the proof I sent to this person, they’re going to stop protecting the guilty parties and leave me alone. After all, it has nothing to do with this particular person and once they know the truth, I’m sure they’ll stop targeting me.
In the meantime I’m going to take a step back from my writing, avoid outside triggers, surround myself with loved ones and reassure myself that I’m doing everything I can to support and love myself. I’ve learned that each time I go down this road I come back faster and stronger than the last time; that being kind to my mind and praising myself instead of beating myself up for having this disease, is necessary to the healing process.
Stay safe, stay strong. Thanks for following.