This week’s blog is about pushing myself too hard physically; so hard in fact that I’ve had quite a few injuries that have required surgery. Amongst my injuries; tendonitis in both elbows (at least once,) torn rotator cuffs (at the same time), torn ligaments in my right foot, left knee (ACL), and now a partial tear in the Achilles tendon in my left foot.
Dealing with this subject in therapy wasn’t my idea; it came from a person that’s known my family for over forty years. She lived on the same street when my brothers, and I were kids, and she knows a lot of what went on; not just from a friend’s perspective, but also a neighbour’s. She is loving, caring, compassionate, a good slap upside the head when I need it (lol!), and someone I trust implicitly. So I decided to follow her advice and work on why I push myself so hard during my next session.
When I got to the therapist's, we started the session with her saying “Concerning pushing yourself too hard; was there anything that has been suppressed?”
After about 15 minutes of asking myself that question, and blurting out anything that’s related to that question, I realize that yes; there definitely were things that were suppressed. ...Lots of things and I blurt them out one after the other until the therapist and I think we’ve uncovered the root of the problem and then we move on to the next question...
“Concerning pushing yourself too hard, was there anything that has been criticized?” Once again, I ponder the question, blurt out everything that comes to the surface, and then move onto the next question.
While I’m doing the therapy it feels like it’s taking forever, but after less than an hour I realize I’ve had another epiphany; just like when we did the session on lying!
...The epiphany? Pushing myself too hard is something I’ve done most of my life; just like the lies of omission. I’m a product of my environment, and it’s time I stopped repeating the things I was told growing up, because they are wrong! A lot of what my abusers told me in the past were lies, and none of what they said or what they did, had anything to do with me. It was all about them, and their feelings of inadequacy; not what they projected onto me.
Going forward... I no longer have to push myself to the brink, because now I know I’m good enough, and not only am I a good person, I’m a great person!
Stay safe, and stay strong.