What a week. I started Traumatic Incident Reduction/Unblocking and I’ve uncovered something so huge about myself, and how I’ve been living my life that I’ve had an epiphany.
You want to know what it is?!
I’ve been lying my whole life; not intentionally, but by omission. Now don’t get me wrong because I didn’t, and don’t lie intentionally, but I learned from a very young age that I would get punished if I talked about certain things, so I became very guarded about what I talked about, and what I kept secret.
Never realizing (consciously) that by omitting the facts, I was doing the same thing as lying; until now. Now I totally understand why I’m being accused of lying, and why it hurts so much when someone calls me a liar! I’ve kept so much to myself and although I told a lot of it to therapists, no one in my circle of friends or family knew the truth.
I tried in the beginning (to tell the truth), but over the years I learned that if it wasn’t positive conversation, it would be stopped in its tracks, so I kept it all inside. Needless to say, a lot of people are hearing this stuff for the first time, and it only makes sense that certain people would think I’m lying now. Heck, I didn’t even share this stuff with the person I’ve come to know as my ROCK, and he’s my husband!
Anyway this has been (and still is), so detrimental to my well-being, and it’s time I started taking care of myself. I will no longer protect the people that have, and continue to cause me harm by keeping my past hidden. It’s time the truth came out, and I believe this therapy is going to help me get to the bottom of it.
...So stay safe, stay strong, and make sure you hold onto your hat, because I have a feeling this is going to be one heck of a ride!