I Really Need to Get Something off My Chest (approx. 5 ½ - 6 ½)
Honestly, I’m not sure where to start but I know that I must get this off my chest.
I’ve always felt like the black sheep in my bio family, and I’ve even joked about it, but I didn’t know to what extent until it was confirmed in some emails, I received on Christmas day of last year (2018).
I already mentioned the emails in question in another blog** but instead of addressing them, I tried to do what my husband, Gary told me to do and that was to ignore them. After all, it was Christmas day and we’d just moved into our new home the night before and it was supposed to be a joyous time for us, not ill-fated, but back to the emails.
I opened them one by one and read the offensive words that lay before me. Each email confirmed that I had always been the black sheep and as I read through them, my heart went from being filled with Christmas love to feeling like someone had punctured it with a sharp sword. Not only did they say that I didn’t belong, but they also accused me of lying about my past; the worst thing was that they told me not to respond. If I did, they threatened they would seek legal advice and try and have me charged.
I closed the emails and as the tears started to pour down my face, I started sobbing …I always thought these family members would always have my back and they were the last of them, so that meant I truly was an orphan. Gary came over to me, put one of his hands on my back affectionately, and said what’s wrong babe? As I turned to look at him, he glanced at what I was reading and the next thing I know was that he was throwing up his hands in anger and asking me why I had opened something I knew was probably just another insult?
The next hour or so was spent arguing over my family and how they have treated me over the years, and if I’m completely honest, it’s what 95% of our arguments are about, but this time was different. This time he said that if I continued to let my family treat me like shit – he was done. He said that no matter what I do, they continue to attack me, and he said he wasn’t going to sit around while they killed me.
He was being a little dramatic, but I got what he was trying to say and that was that he believed the stress surrounding my family was the cause of my health issues and he suggested as he had in the past, to use the nasty emails as permission (from them) to finally move forward and get on with my life. So instead of answering the emails, I tried my hardest to ignore them.
As December turned into January and January turned into February, the words played over and over in my head like a loop in a sound machine stuck on play. As the months rolled by and we got into March, the need for me to respond only deepened, but not only had they threatened to take me to court if I responded, they also made stipulations as to how I could respond. So, I wasn’t quite sure what to do?
The stipulations they made were that I wasn’t allowed to respond to each individual one on one; that it had to be a “recorded mediation for further consideration,” their words, not mine. Additionally, it had to be recorded because they wanted to be able to replay it and look for “deviations,” because that’s how the police found out whether a person was lying or not.
Gary was totally against it, and he wanted, and still wants me to cut ties; once and for all. He’s known me and my bio family for over forty years and he believes that no matter what I say to “certain” family members, they will turn it around and make me look bad because that’s what they have always done in the past. Me, well, I always give people way too many chances and I couldn’t seem to let it go.
So, there we were in March and a health issue I had started with the end of December got progressively worse and I decided I better rid myself of some stress and you guessed it, I decided to start with the emails.
I answered the first one last Saturday; March 11, 2019, but because I used the word insults, the person told me that they weren’t going to read any further, and reminded me about the “recorded mediation,” being the only way of communicating. I amazed myself by showing an immense amount of strength and wrote back that if we weren’t going to communicate like adults then I felt that we were at an impasse.
Then I sent the second response and the only way I knew how that person felt, was that they kicked me out of a mental health group they were admin. for, and it made me wonder what had changed their feelings for me? Did they truly believe that I was making up my mental illness, like the rest of my bio family?
The third letter was the hardest to answer because I was pretty sure I was wasting my time, but I really wanted to resolve this issue; once and for all, so I sent that one as well, only to be completely blocked on social media by them.
…but and as you know, it’s always a big but.
I answered their emails and addressed their concerns and if they want to discuss anything further with me, I told them I’d do it one on one, but when it came to a “Bashing Davina session?” I endured those for decades every time I went to a family get together and going forward, I’ve decided that I will never take part in those kinds of sessions ever again.
…and I have to tell you that Gary couldn’t be more pleased!
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following.