It’s been almost six months since my eyesight started to deteriorate and as you know, it’s been on my mind constantly. Ten days ago, when I woke up and I tried to write in my gratitude journal, the glasses that had worked the day before weren’t helping me to see what was on the page.
I got really frustrated and started to cry and when Gary asked me what was up, I snapped at him. I didn’t mean to but I was absolutely terrified that the CSR (Central Serous Retinopathy) was getting worse. Gary came over, put his arms around me and held me until I stopped crying.
This all happened on a Sunday, so we decided to wait and call the surgeon’s office first thing the next morning, instead of going to the emergency department right away. When I called, the receptionist listened patiently as I told her what was going on; then she asked me to hold.
When she came back on the line, the receptionist told me she’d talked to the surgeon who said she wanted to see me at her earliest possible appointment; which was eight days away.
I wasn’t sure I could wait that long and I spent the time stressed to the max! All I could think about was that I had stressed way too much and had permanently damaged my sight. I have to admit that I had more than one pity party.
What made it worse was the transportation service I’ve been approved to use while I’m having difficulty with my sight, could only drive me one way for the appointment. Although they told me to call everyday to see if that changed, it didn’t.
Imagine my frustration when each time I called back, all they did was reiterate that my appointment was booked for the busiest time of the day and why didn’t I book the appointment for a different time ...but that’s another blog!
Luckily the employer my husband worked for that day was flexible so Gary was able to drop me off.
When I got there, I grabbed a number and then hid myself behind the book I brought with me, and waited for them to call my number. I was unable to read because all I could think about were my surroundings and all the strangers around me. The book was just a prop, but it enabled me to concentrate on my breathing without drawing attention to myself.
I sat and waited; desperate. All I wanted was to be put into a room alone. An interminable amount of time passes (it actually was only about 15 minutes) and I finally heard my number called out. I was led down a now familiar hallway and into a room by the surgeon’s assistant, Janet.
Janet gave me about four tissues, told me to tip my head backwards and proceeded to put three types of drops into both of my eyes. When she was done, we talked about what was happening with my sight. Then, Janet led me to a room where I had some pictures taken of my retinas using Optical Coherence Tomography.
First, the technician took an image of one retina and then the next; it was really fast and completely painless. When she was done, she told me to go and wait out in the hallway until the surgeon called me.
Not more than five minutes went by and the surgeon came out of room four and went into room five, but not before she told me to go into room four and wait for her there.
It wasn’t long before the surgeon was sitting in front of me, reiterating that my sight had gotten worse but it was because it was getting better. I can’t remember the exact words she used but what I heard was ‘the hole in my retina had closed up even more and because of this, the liquid that was leaking out of it had been pushed into the middle of my sight; making it appear like it was worse.’
I was so relieved! Tears of joy slid down my face, as the surgeon told me it wouldn’t be long before the CSR cleared up and that meant I’d be able to drive again soon.
Persistence, belief in myself and focusing on the positive like my gratitude journal, has definitely paid off! I’m being kind to my mind; taking mindful pauses of 30-45 seconds every couple of hours (or whenever needed) to ground myself, as well as getting out for nature walks.
And I’m happy ...heck, I’m ecstatic to say self-care and self-love has put me back on the right track and my sight is returning. That, undeniably, is a milestone to celebrate!
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following!