As you know I’ve been priming myself for surgery for months. I stocked up the freezer with home-made dishes that just need to be preheated; wrote 3-4 week’s worth of blogs; and cleared my calendar; which was hard because looking at a blank calendar every time someone called me to book something, reminded me I had surgery coming up.
For those of you that have had a surgery, you know what I’m talking about. I was worried about the anesthetic; the recovery time; who was going to care for me for the first week, or so while I only had the use of one hand, but there was the other side of it too. The PTSD side and the worries that come with it; the night terrors, the fact there will be strangers touching me while I’m asleep, and unable to protect myself. Plus, the ever present thoughts of immortality; not that wrist surgery is life threatening, but there is a 5% chance of me not coming out of the anesthetic!
...To top it all off, I’ve had a week full of really bad news regarding chosen family, and my brain feels like it’s going to explode!!! I’m not sure if it’s the friend who was recently told she’s palliative; the friend whose husband was rushed to the hospital with a brain bleed; the friend whose daughter is in a drug induced coma to stop her from having seizures; or the friend whose daughter has just been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer?!
I’m full to overloading and the thing that seems to have put me over the edge is how upset I am about having my surgery cancelled, and how selfish I feel for being upset!
...But now as I sit here and ponder about what I've just written, I'm reminded my surgery is elective. It isn’t cancer, or a brain bleed and I need to pick myself up, go get a shower and face the day. I have some friends that are in desperate need of some love; and support, and my time could be way better spent with them.
Besides, I don’t need to stress about my upcoming surgery because I just did that, and I survived.
Thanks for following. Stay safe and stay strong.