Sometimes I write things that I think might seem condescending; like cutting out the negativity, and or the negative people. And I want you to know that although I say it like it’s easy to do; that couldn’t be further from the truth! Since I started cutting out the negativity, and talking about all the rotten things that have happened in my past, I’ve lost someone really close to me. …Someone that means more to me than life itself, and I truly feel like my heart is broken.
I never meant to hurt this person; but I did. I hid the truth from her about anything I thought would harm her character, and now she can’t see beyond my dishonesty…
But this is where I need you to cut me some slack… I only ever lied to protect those I loved and the memories I gave her were memories that helped her grow up feeling loved; as well as feeling important.
I tried to protect her by not talking about any of the negative stuff that happened, and if she had a negative memory, I tried to change it. And when bad things happened; and/or relationships broke down, I made sure to candy-coat her memories of them. I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just didn’t want her growing up feeling like my older brother and I; and that was worthless and unloved.
So… when I say I’ve done, or that I’m doing certain things to help me survive with this awful disease, please understand I don’t say those things lightly. I know how hard it is to live with PTSD and all I’m trying to do is pass on what works for me.
Try to remember there are going to be people that will back away from you; as well as people you need to back away from, but one day they’re going to want to hear your side of the story. In the mean time also remember that their reaction, is their reaction, and their issues with the truth, are their issues with the truth; NOT yours.
Thanks for following. Stay safe and stay strong.