Last week was good and I really felt like I was making progress but this week is an entirely different story. I have my follow-up appointment for my eyes tomorrow and my sight doesn’t seem to be any better than it was the last time I saw the surgeon. I’m terrified of what she’s going to say and as you know, stress makes my condition worse, but I feel utterly powerless to stop stressing.
I’ve been doing everything I can to try and get my mind out of the doldrums and to think positive, but I’m really struggling.
I can’t seem to get to sleep at night and I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I tell myself that I need to get to work on my book because I know that not having it finished isn’t helping my stress levels, but I seem to be doing absolutely everything I can to try and avoid it.
Writing my blog this week has also been a huge challenge. The first version I wrote I had to discard because it made me feel like I was sounding like a broken record; I just couldn’t bear to share something so depressing and un-inspiring with you.
Honestly, this version isn’t doing anything for me either and I’m not sure if it’s going to get posted, but the hour is getting late and I’m running out of time. It seems I wasted most of the week wallowing in self-pity, or did I?
When I look back on what I did this week, I’m not sure that wallowing is the term I should use. I used all of my self-care techniques like watching my favourite music videos, and musicals. I wrote down my thoughts; good and bad, and instead of beating myself up for not being able to "adult," I focused on being kind to my mind and taking all pressure, especially about my book, off the table.
I was able to get through the week without allowing the voices in my head to tell me anything other than "tomorrow is another day," and that is something I need to be proud of. It might not seem like I had a good week to someone that doesn’t suffer from mental illness but from someone that does, it was a good week - one of learning.
Stay safe and stay strong. Thanks for following.