My Crazy Life Made Me Crazy - by Mika Hayes

My mother was a prostitute

My father was a thug in and out of jail

They had a very abusive toxic relationship

Mother tried to abort me by throwing herself down a flight of stairs when she was 5 months pregnant

She drank alcohol and did drugs while pregnant

She had gonorrhea when I was born

I was born a blue baby and had a blood transfusion right after birth

Mother beat/abused/neglected me for the first 6 weeks of my life

Sister and I were traded to a taxi driver in exchange for a bottle of rye

I have 5 older half brothers I don’t know and 2 half sisters who are estranged

Given to foster family at 6 weeks old

Lost bio family

Raised with so much love by foster parents along with my full bio sister

I was an angry, sad, lost, very hyper, rage-filled, out of control baby, toddler, adolescent, teenager and adult

Foster mother continually brought me to our GP but was always told I was just a hyper girl

Bio mother told me when I was 10 that I almost died at birth, she wished I would have and that she hated me

When she did contact us (once every few years) she was either drunk or high

Best friend died of cancer in grade 2

Bullied and teased all through grade school for my name, my looks and that my parents gave me away

I failed grade 7

Had to change my last name from Papineau (my dad’s name) to Hayes (my Moms maiden name) because that’s what was on my birth certificate. She put my father down as “a friend of the family”

Drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex at 14 yrs. Had my first puff of a cigarette when I was 4 years old. Stealing smokes at 6 years old

My bio mother was murdered by a john when I was 15 years old

My foster mom died when I was 21

Was in a 3 year mentally and physically abusive relationship at 23 when my Godmother had an affair with my boyfriend

My foster dad died when I was 23

Lost foster family

My bio dad came back into my life when I was 23. He came to us at the viewing for my foster dad

It took awhile but we formed a relationship that made both our hearts happy

Some members of bio family came back into my life as well

Met my husband (common-law) when I was 24. He was separated from wife and had 2 babies.

Moved in with him the night I met him

Was pregnant 5 weeks later

Had my daughter when I was 25

She was born with a tumor on her tailbone. Had surgery at 2 weeks old. She was in NICU at CHEO for the first month of life

1995 was diagnosed with ADHD

Moved to London ON from Ottawa ON leaving my family and friends behind at 27 for a better life.

Worked different jobs since I was 16 years old always to be fired

2005 almost died from heart issue

2006 sister in law died from complications from a simple surgery

2006 diagnosed with OCD

2007 best friend of 26 years died from cancer

2008 diagnosed with Crohn’s colitis disease after being sick for a month and a half with what I thought was a bad flu bug

2012 diagnosed with fibromyalgia

2014 had to stop working and started my application for CPP disability which I was denied 4 or 5 times now and still waiting for an answer to my latest appeal 2 yrs ago

2015 August I saw a psychiatrist. Horrible person. Cold and uncaring. Put me on Paxil on top of the Cymbalta I was already on. Nightmares started soon after. OCD and anxiety went through the roof for months. By January I wasn’t able to leave my bedroom. By March I was suicidal. Finally got off Paxil in April

2015 bio dad died and lost bio family for the second time

2016 diagnosed with PTSD

2016 husband left me after 22 years

2017 got approved for ODSP

2018 still trying to figure out this crazy life and my crazy brain but I’m happy, full of love and looking forward to the future.