I want to scream, “Don’t do it!”
I want to beg you not to.
I want to tell you how utterly devastating it is to lose a child and reveal all my naked, agonizing grief over my loss.
Really what I need to do is just listen and let you know you matter.
You think you don’t matter. You might even be scoffing at this letter saying, “This woman doesn’t know me!”
What you don’t know is that you are the centre of someone’s universe. Your brain won’t let you believe that right now.
I know you think we’d all be better off without you. But your leaving would throw off the balance of people.
You see, most people who want to die by suicide are highly sensitive individuals. Deep feelers.
They are often very creative. They can spot a fake a mile away. They see when others are hurting. They are not put off by other’s misery.
So what happens if you check out?
We will have lost your incredible intuition, your kindness and sensitivity to others.
If you check out, we’re left with analytical bean counters.
Don’t get me wrong, we need bean counters. But we need you, too.
Without you, the world is drained of colour
It’s beige and boring.
It’s your lyrics, your writing, your art, your acting, your music, your creativity that stirs deep-seated emotions in us. Only you can do that. I know you have darkness in your soul–the price of having such amazing gifts.
I want you to know that we have not realized your potential yet. If you leave, you take those gifts with you forever and we don’t get to appreciate what you have to offer.
You cheat us out of you. What you can be.
So what do you do next? Reach out.
You won’t find the answer in isolation. Your brain won’t let you.
Please give us a chance.
You didn’t run into this letter by accident. It was meant for you and you stopped yourself long enough to read it.
She knows. She’s been there. She gets it.
Heaven can wait.
P.S. The international suicide hotline numbers are: